Just jabbering

I am just rambling so ignore if you want. I have tried to get ahold of Patricks biological dad and the couple times I did, I chickened out on telling him the truth. Well, I finally did it. Now, I understand that its a huge thing and he needs time to think about it, but I am going crazy. He never said weather he even looked at the pics. I sent him a letter telling him about patrick and he never said a word. Well I lied he had commented that I leave his mom alone, for a while til he has time to think. I tried to explain its been years since we talked and I never called her she did me. I know I am reading to much into this and thinking the worse, but I let me heart think there was a chance he would be just ok with it all. Not want to take him but to get to know him. Now I am afraid he wants nothing to do with him or that he will fight me for him. I could not handle that it would kill me. I know it would. I have a hard time letting go for the summer, much less longer . I keep praying that god would not allow that. I mean I am all for Mike getting to know patrick, but not to the fact of me loosing him. I thew myself into the house work an dI have a feeling tomorrow will be full with the halloween decorations, just so I will not think about it. I am afraid to go to sleep and check my mail in the morning. I know I can not have things my way and even thought I would love that, it just is not reality. So, I am going to go and breathe and pray that, some how some way all of us do not get our hearts broken, and that I did the right thing.