Generation X

(I didn't write this, but I did find this wonderful little gem buried deep in the archives of an old email account)

Don't call me a Generation X-er. I am a child of the Seventies and theEighties.That is what I prefer to be called. The Nineties can do without me.Grunge isn't here to stay, fashion is fickle, and "Generation X" is amyth created by some over-40 writer trying to figure out why people wearflannel in the summer.When I got home from school, I played with my Atari 2600. I spent hoursplaying Pitfall or Combat or Breakout or Dodge'em Cars or Frogger. Inever did beat Asteroids. Then I watched "Scooby Doo." Daphne was aGoddess, and I thought Shaggy was smoking something synthetic in theback of their psychedelic van. I hated Scrappy.I would sleep over at friends' houses on the weekends. We played armywith G.I. Joe figures, and I set up galactic wars between Autobots andDecepticons. We stayed up half the night throwing marshmallows andVelveeta at one another. We never beat the Rubik's Cube. I got up onSaturday mornings at 6 a.m. to watch bad Hanna-Barbera cartoons like"The Snorks," "Jabberjaw," "Captain Caveman" and "SpaceGhost." Inbetween, I would watch "School House Rock." ("Conjunction junction,what's your function?"). On weeknights, Daisy Duke was my future wife.I was going to own the General Lee and shoot dynamite arrows out theback. Why did they weld the doors shut?At the movies, the Nerds got Revenge on the Alpha Betas by teaming upwith the Omega Mus. I watched Indiana Jones save the Ark of theCovenant, and I wondered what Yoda meant when he said, "No; there isanother."Ronald Reagan was cool. Gorbachev was the guy who built a McDonalds inMoscow. My family took summer vacations to the Gulf of Mexico andcollected "Muppet Movie" glasses along the way. (We had the whole set.)My siblings and I fought in the back seat. At the hotel, we foundcreative uses for Connect Four pieces, like throwing them in that bigair-conditioning unit.I listened to John Cougar Mellencamp sing about Little Pink Houses forJack and Diane. I was bewildered by Boy George and the colors of hisdreams: red, gold and green. MTV played videos. Nickelodeon played "YouCan't Do That on Television" and "Dangermouse." Cor! HBO showed MikeTyson pummel everybody except Robin Givens, the bad actress from "Headof the Class" who took all Mike's cashflow.I drank Dr. Pepper. "I'm a Pepper, you're a Pepper, wouldn't you like tobe a Pepper, too?" Shasta was for losers. TAB was a laboratory accident.Capri Sun was a social statement. Orange juice wasn't just for breakfastanymore, and bacon had to move over for something meatier. My mom put athousand Little Debbie Snack Cakes in my Charlie Brown lunch box, andfilled my Snoopy thermos with grape Kool-Aid. I would never eat thesnack cakes, though. Did anyone? I got two thousand cheese-and-crackersnack packs, and I ate those.I went to school and had recess. I went to the same classes everyday.Some weird guy from the eighth grade always won the science fair withthe working hydro-electric plant that leaked on my project about musicand plants. They just loved Beethoven. Field day was bigger thanChristmas, but it always managed to rain just enough to make everybodymiserable before they fell over in the three-legged race. Where did allthose panty hose come from? "Deck the Halls with Gasoline, fa la la lala la la la la," was just a song. Burping was cool. Rubberband fightswere cooler. A substitute teacher was a marked woman. Nobody deservedthat. I went to Cub Scouts. I got my arrow-of-light, but I never managedto win the Pinewood Derby. I got almost every skill award, but I don'tremember ever doing anything.The world stopped when the Challenger exploded. Half of your friends'parents got divorced. People did not just say no to drugs. AIDS started,but you knew more people who had a grandparent die from cancer.Somebody in your school died before they graduated. When you put allthis stuff together, you have my childhood. If this stuff soundsfamiliar, then I bet you are one, too. We are Children of theEighties. That is what I prefer "they" call us.We are not the first "lost generation" nor today's lost generation; infact, we think we know just where we stand--or are discovering it as wespeak.We are the ones who played with Lego Building Blocks when they were justbuilding blocks and gave Malibu Barbie crewcuts with safety scissorsthat never really cut. Big Wheels and bicycles with streamers were theway to go, and sidewalk chalk was all you needed to build a city.Imagination was the key. It made the Ewok Treehouse big enough for youto be Luke and the kitchen table and an old sheet dark enough to be atent in the forest. Your world was the back yard and it was all youneeded. With your pink portable tape player, Debbie Gibson sang back upto you and everyone wanted a skirt like the Material Girl and a glovelike Michael Jackson's.Today, we are the ones who sing along with Bruce Springsteen and TheBangles perfectly and have no idea why. We recite lines with theGhostbusters and still look to "The Goonies" for a great adventure. Weflip through TV stations and stop at "The A Team" and "Knight Rider" and"Fame" and laugh with "The Cosby Show" and "Family Ties" and "PunkyBrewster," and what you talkin' 'bout Willis? We hold strong affectionsfor "The Muppets" and "The Gummy Bears," and why did they take theSmurfs off the air? After-school specials were only about cigarettesand step-families. The Pokka Dot Door was nothing like Barney, andaren't the Power Rangers just Voltron reincarnated?We are the ones who still read Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys, TheBobbsey Twins, Beverly Clearly and Judy Blume, Richard Scary and theElectric Company.Friendship bracelets were ties you couldn't break and Friendship pinswent on shoes--preferably hightop Velcro Reebox--and pegged jeans werein, as were Units belts and layered socks and jean jackets and jams andcharm necklaces and side ponytails and just tails. Rave was a girl'sbest friend; braces with colored rubberbands made youcool. The back door was always open and Mom served only red Kool-Aid tothe neighborhood kids. Never drank New Coke. Entertainment was cheap andlasted for hours. All you needed to be a princess was high heels and anapron; the Sit'n'Spin always made you dizzy but never made you stop;Pogoballs were dangerous weapons and Chinese Jump Ropes never failed totrip someone. In your Underoos, you were Wonder Woman or Spider Man orR2D2, and in your treehouse, you were king.In the Eighties, nothing was wrong. Did you know the president wasshot? "Star Wars" was not only a movie. Did you ever play in a bombshelter? Did you see the Challenger explode or feed the homeless man?We forgot Vietnam and watched Tiananman's Square on CNN and boughtpieces of the Berlin Wall at the store. AIDS was not the number onekiller In the United States. We didn't start the fire, Billy Joel. Inthe Eighties, we re-defined the American Dream, and those years definedus. We are the generation in between strife and facing strife and notturning our backs. The Eighties may have made us idealistic, but it'sthat idealism that will push us and be passed on to our children--thefirst children of the twenty-first century.If this is familiar, you are one of us. . . . Pass it on to all theothers. . . .Written By:
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