why think the worst

Why because I get a burst of energy and I am sick and tired of looking at the mess in the garage, would one think I am on Diet Pills. I dont pop those like other people. I am sorry if I feel like the garage is the only place I feel I can be me except for my room. I feel like when she is up staits with her boyfriend that I am the one who is a roommate and invading their space.
I think I am going crazy........ Arizona sounds real good about now.......

just today

Its been a long day, and I just got up, but I went to bed at 4:30 am. Its the only ime I feel my house is really mu house. Its sad when you have to stay up late just to feel at home. Do not get me wrong its better then not having anyone here and babbling but its hard when you have screaming girls. The girls dont feel they have to listen to mom much so they scream to get what they want and do what they want. When mom is not here they are pretty good. The other thing is she uses her boyfriend to watch the girls if he is here she either does not watch them or she has him do it.
I believe in a clean house but not when it means ignoring your children to do it. That or wait til they all are screaming bloody murder to see what is wrong.
We had to show our house the other night and I am not sure if they were really interested, but if we have to move it might be a good thing. If not I might be talking to someone about getting a place. it might wait til we can help her out and if she gets a job, we will see.
we have been doing alot to help her get on her feet and I am hoping soon something happens, I love her and the girls but I will not live a long time like this. I think everyone deserves a fair chance and if I can help out I will gladly, but not forever at some time you have to help yourself.

Really find out about yourself

When you live with someone you find out alot about yourself. I find that I am the trouble in the house. I guess I put up an air that I am better then everyone else. I dont know what to think. I know while fighting a horrible head cold I had a kidney stone that I was trying to pass. The pain is horrible and I finally broke down and went to ER and they put me on meds and said strain your pee and it should pass. It was a 4 something one. Well I did as directed and on wednesday night I eneded up in ER again. A week and a half later. They said I had passed it sometime that night and I should not have felt the pain but I did. After being a human pin custion I was not in so much pain. Let me tell you a IV put in the upper arm by your arm pit HURTS !!! My roommate thought I was faking the pain, I think but I am not one to go to ER unless it is uncontrollable. I think When I am puking my dinner and everything I ate for days because of the pain, I am not faking.
We had someone come look at the house, I really hope they are not selling it from under us, maybe it would be a good thing cause our roomate might have to find her own place and things might get a little normal around here. Its hard when you have screaming children alot.
I know what I did was the right thing but hey, its not always a easy choice. I think I have been pretty good up to now, and I think I need credit, cause I live like a prisonor in my own home, and I hate coming home when I am away. That has to mean something. I mean its my house and I think I need to take it back, and not feel like I am living in someone elses place. Yeah I know I am all talk, I will do what I always do, hide my head abd back down. I guess that is what you get when your mom has you fear everything in life.
My roomate has has boyfriend over and I guess she has not learned to be quiet, and the whole house knows she is getting some.