Love

We went to a funeral yesterday and even though I saw my mom go threw all that this man did, it was so different. I can not explain exactly why but there was so much almost more hurt, maybe becasue i saw it from someone elses eyes and I was not in the middle of it. I would like to think that even though it hurts and I still miss my dad despertly that i am becoming at peace with it.
This man showed such strength he stood up and gave the life schetch of his wife, and did so well that i could have listened to him talk about her for hours. I had never met his wife, but I felt as I knew her and she was such a wonderful compassionate woman.
It really made me step back and look at things and my life. I love my husband and since my mistake this year I realize how much more I need him in my life because he is my bestfriend. I have wonderful girlfriends and ones I consider my sisters. They are ones when something happens I run to them cause i can not wait to share my life with them. Its different when you have a husband. He is the one who holds you when something is wrong. He is the one who open doors for you and makes you feel , extra special. The one you let see you cry, or the one who holds you when your sick. Who holds your hand so you dont fall, and kisses it better when you do.
Even though he can inferiate you and drive you nuts, you would never change the feeling you have when you lay next to him at night and fall asleep in his arm.
Its then in life you realize you both give up a dream or two for each other. That you know all your life your heart will ache for a child with him, because you want to look into their eyes and know that is the child you made from love. We can adopt and still love that child just as much, and if that is what god has in store for us well, bring on this child for us to bring into our hearts and home.
I never gave a child that chance one and i never realized until it was to late that even though the child was not concieved out of love but it was concieved out of love for that child. I will forever regrete the choice i made and the child who never got the chance to be love. I live with the hurt that because of be blind to life that choice was made.
I have so much hurt and angry and resentment towards so many that I am trying too find forgiveness, and I find it hard for those I harbor the most towards has hurt the ones I love. How do you look past that? I ask that God finds a way to rech into my heart and help me forgive.
I want the best for all those I love and somewher ein there I will find the way to want that for myself. That one day I can look at myself and say I want that for me. Then find the strength to get it, but for now I will take it one day at a time and be happy and greatful for those wonderful things I do have.
God Bless and Blessed Be

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXwWT2Chx64